To build upon last post, we will discuss the conflicts between high Reserved (RES) and high Bold (BLD). As stated previously, those who score higher in RES tend to have two different styles of how they might come across to others under stress. First, they tend to pull away from others (e.g. quietly retreating to their office & shutting the door) and may show body language that they don’t want to be bothered. Think of the individual who looks so busy you wouldn’t want to interrupt them. The other is when they are approached by others; they may communicate in an overly brusque manner which may unintentionally hurt people’s feelings.
Those scoring high in BLD tend to have a strong confidence in what they do, which sometimes translates into overconfidence and arrogance. Their high level of confidence tends to lead to setting high expectations and goals for themselves and others. When they are unable to achieve these goals, they likely come up with excuses or blame others for their mistakes. If they are exhibiting high RES in addition to high BLD, we likely will see their communication style become very demanding and pushy; they often will not back down in a disagreement. Also, if they were working independently and suddenly bothered, they might respond very abruptly.
When coaching someone with both high RES and BLD, you will first need to determine their RES tendencies. For instance, it is their communication style that is more direct or do they withdraw from social situations or both under stress? If it is more about how they communicate, there are a couple of techniques you can use to help them “think before they speak”. Help them examine those times when they disagreed with someone and determine their reaction. The next time they feel the need to disagree with someone or feel that they are right, have them first listen to the position of the other person. Once they are through, have them practice active listening by restating what they heard to ensure they are both on the same page. Then have them state only the points that they don’t agree with. While the high RES and BLD may still not change their mind on the topic, it will help the other person feel like they were heard and encourage them to reach out if they have an issue.
The second technique is to help them choose their words wisely. We often see these individuals saying exactly what’s on their mind (no filter). While the information is clear, the tone or presentation of the message may come off more harsh than intended. When stressed, it will be helpful for them to think about how they want to position the message.
The first step will be to have them refrain from providing their initial response when in conversation. Encourage them to pause long enough to formulate a second or third more respectful response. Also, have them listen to what the other person is saying. Restate their words and offer several suggestions versus just responding. Try and have them be less action-driven and more open to the overall discussion. Another tip is to have them observe those around them for signs of defensiveness and forthrightness. This will help give them a framework of how they might appear to others. This technique will also be helpful for those high RES and BLD individuals who are more likely to withdraw under stress or show non-verbal behaviours that they don’t want to be bothered.
Lastly, to ensure the high RES and BLD stays visible within the organisation and sets reasonable expectations, have them work on scheduling time in their day to check in with their team and colleagues. This can be done on a weekly basis or every other week. During this time they should focus on what needs to be accomplished and determining if the goals that were set are realistic. Given the high RES and BLD nature of setting the bar a little higher, this will give the team an opportunity to express whether the established goals are attainable.
